This was a stressful and difficult week. I felt overwhelmed by the students and their horrible attention span. I was frustrated and didn't feel like I was being respected or listened to. There were a few classes that listened well and worked hard during class, but there were two classes where kids looked at me like I was nuts. This is the hard thing about student teaching that I was worried about: gaining student's respect, especially high school kids.
We did a critique today in Jewelry/Sculpture. Cortney taught first block. She was going to let me take 2-4 block, but she asked if she could redo second block because it didn't go as smoothly as she liked. This was a tad refreshing to hear. It made me realize that no matter how much you plan, you're not always going to do a perfect job and you might have a flop block. Cortney "redid" second block and I taught third and fourth. This was a difficult task to maneuver. While I felt prepared to get the student's attention and present them with the task before them, I just felt like a mess. The students were tired and slow. They didn't want to write about each other's work and they looked at me like I was an idiot. It's difficult to bring life into these kids sometimes. I feel like they look at me with no interest at all and have no idea how to think. However, I think I'm slowly figuring how to energize them and get them excited or interested. I remember being a high school student and sometimes feeling that way as a teenager. I was never rude or grumpy towards a teacher, but I remember feeling bored. I remember feeling bored and tired in college classes too! Therefore, I know what these kids are feeling and I just want to get to a place where I feel like I connect with them. I'm eager to get to know them so that I know how to interact with them and show them that I care.
However - while both blocks felt difficult and tiring, Cortney actually said fourth block went a lot more smoothly. She said I did a really good job of clearly explaining the instructions for the students. She said I did a nice job of showing them in a systematic order what they needed to do.
Yesterday had been a hard day because I felt beat and like I wasn't doing a great job. And Cortney and I hadn't been able to discuss much so all we talked about that day were the things I needed to work on. However, today, Friday (the day of the critiques), Cortney and I took a trip down to the SMSD print shop and had time to chat in the car. We talked more about how everything was going and I was able to vent about different feelings I was having about the situation. She gave me very positive and helpful feedback. She encouraged me in how I have been doing and said she had great confidence in my ability. She was also very helpful in giving me advice on my lessons.
Then, after school today, we spent a couple hours debriefing. This was even better. She had had a mentor meeting earlier this week and was inspired to use a chart to help us talking about what's going well and what needs work. This was so helpful!!! We sat for an hour talking and writing down different things. We wrote down things that I needed to be doing and things she needed to be doing to help. We had a great conversation about my challenges and my strengths. It encouraged me very much and helped me to understand my situation as a student teacher better. I feel like from then on I've been very positive about this learning experience and how it is and will increasingly improve my techniques and abilities as a teacher.
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